just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
