Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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