their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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