they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
