So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
