First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
