i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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