i jhust puked up my retainher.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You were trust falling into bushes
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