all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
