The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
