I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
