I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
