i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
