Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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