It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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