I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
