wake up i wanna do it froggy style
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Randomize
