I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
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