So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
