I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
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