i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
