Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
