btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
