i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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