Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
