We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
