I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
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