we have pet lesbian snakes
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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