Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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