3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
