He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
