We should be called the Road Head Warriors
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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