and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
