I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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