I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
