Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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