I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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