Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
