i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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