We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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