Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
