man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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