you would pick up someone in the library
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
