every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
