my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
