Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Randomize
