1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
