My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
