Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
