The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
